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What Is Emotional Unavailability and 4 Signs Your Partner is Emotionally Unavailable

What is meant by the term “emotionally unavailable”?

We hear this phrase all around, being thrown around in conversations with friends, to joke about someone who runs away from commitment and feelings, or someone talking about their one-sided relationship.

Lukas Rychvalsky/ Pexels | An emotionally unavailable person does not have control over his actions

An emotionally unavailable person has difficulty understanding and comprehending another person’s love, emotions, and other feelings. This person does not open up to discuss their feelings and can be pretty flaky, mysterious, or hard to read. Psychologists share that such a person hides behind their emotions because of the lack of emotional depth in their childhood or past. This person subconsciously builds up a wall to prevent themselves from being intimate or committed to another person. This protects them from being vulnerable and being hurt in any way. 

Signs that you are with an emotionally unavailable partner

Cottonbro/ Pexels | Everyone has their emotional baggage. Some have it more than others.

There are many red flags to look for in an emotionally unavailable person. Here are a few things you can keep an eye out for: 

  1. They are usually unavailable: Everyone is busy but does find some time out for others, whereas an unstable person would leave you guessing when they will call you back or reply to your text that you sent them days or weeks ago. Being inconsistent such as ghosting you, benching, zombie-ing, or breadcrumbing you all the time, can mean that they are not emotionally invested enough and do not recognize your relationship with them. It is hard to contact them when they constantly place such a physical distance from you. They are also likely to make many excuses to get out of a conversation or a plan. 
  2. They avoid talking about real issues: If anyone tries to go deeper in there, they get skittish and change the subject. They show little to no interest in deep conversations and try to get out of them as soon as possible. Furthermore, they show no interest in real-life issues and don’t respond to others with their emotional problems. Instead, they are afraid to share anything about themselves and avoid topics that could lead to conflicts or serious issues that should be discussed between partners. 

    Kindel Media/ Pexels | So many emotionally unavailable men began as people who faced suppression in their childhood 

  3. Avoid conflicts: While conflicts can signify a healthy relationship, emotionally unavailable people shy away from addressing any issues and deflect everything by pretending nothing is wrong or as if nothing happened. Their boundary keeps their partner from developing an emotional connection with them. 
  4. They can be defensive: They play on the defensive side of the court and always blame others for their problems. For them, it is easier to accuse another person than to work that issue out or be in a vulnerable position. This is a clear sign that they don’t want to connect with you. At any sight of trouble, they tend to disappear with an excuse that’s always ready to go.

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